Not to blast my own audience, but I’ve come to realize that while people will read books, they don’t “log on” to the internet to read novels. Anything outside of 140 characters takes up too much time. This, I understand, as even I will see the headline of an article and immediately assume that I’ve read the whole thing. Less is more, so here’s my attempt at less. Recently, a friend of mine, a good friend of mine, actually, who I have never met outside of the realm of virtual reality, asked me to speak at a meeting. It didn’t go very well, not in my opinion anyway, and the people in attendance said I did a good job. Of course, they did. What are they going to say? “Josh, that was terrible; please don’t ever waste our time again.” That’s the beautiful thing about having to-slash-wanting to be at these meetings – the other people are obligated to listen. Anyhow, the “speech” didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to because, all things considered, I never felt as though I deserved to be speaking, and in the week leading up to the speech, I spent a lot of time wondering what the purpose or reason could be that I was asked to do so. I believe the answer has been revealed to me, which is something to the effect of, “you don’t know much about anything, so shut up and listen.” Point taken, God.
Ironic, sure, as I am about to write and subsequently post this on social media platforms with the idea that I’ve figured something out; however, I believe I have. In another meeting not long ago (last night), the person running the show led the meeting by illustrating a story about a friend of theirs leaping off a balcony after a court hearing gone awry. Generally, I don’t prefer hearing stories like that, but they are necessary insofar as they are reminders of a couple of things, 1) If I think things are bad now, they can undoubtedly get worse, 2) just how awful it is whilst operating outside of God’s will; and, therefore, the other guy’s, and 3) maybe my life situation isn’t that fucking bad. In any case, oftentimes, when people offer up their alibis as to why they want to take themselves out, their reasoning is extremely detached from reality. This, we all know, but there are plenty of cases where the suicidal one presents logical and reasonable, well, reasons as to why they want to. It’s frightening yet true. If the one in question were to say, “Look around! This place is awful. It seems to be controlled by the one they named “Boss Universal,” and I don’t want to be a part of a world like that,” is that not logical? Absolutely, it is logical, but we all can agree that if one were to carry out their plot, reasonable as it is, it would be detrimental to, obviously, them, but to the people around them and society at large. (Either that, or it wouldn’t be detrimental, which circles us back to sometimes it makes sense..)
Suicide is a rapid escalation through one’s hierarchy of presuppositions. I’m not suggesting I’ve gotten to this place, but here is an example: Hardly anybody reads anything I write-> Maybe I’m not good at this; maybe I suck at it-> I’ve invested so much time into writing; I have wasted years of my life-> My life is a waste-> Why don’t I just jump? A person in a neurotic or depressed state has little-to-no resistance to this escalation, and the petrifying thing about it is that it can, at times, make perfect sense. Yes, of course, the way (or at least a singular way) out of this ascent to the end, let’s say, is to change one’s core beliefs or presuppositions. Something like: At least five people read what I’ve written-> Perhaps one of those five took something from it-> I might be good at this-> I can reach more people if I continue-> How about I stick it out?
However, that’s not why I’m writing this. I’m not writing this simply to say that I (or we) need to change our core beliefs or suppositions. That’s recovery jargon (albeit true) that everybody fresh out of rehab who wants to be a counselor says. It’s trite, and it’s annoying. The point is that logic and reason are weapons of the evil one, and they are in direct opposition to faith. “What is logic in an illogical existence?” Ultimately, faith, in whatever, I don’t care; I’m not here to push an agenda, although you probably know what or who I’m referring to, is the way out – is the way to alter one’s beliefs or notions. Charles Barkley depicts a certain diet that NBA players who need to lose weight should be on, “If it tastes good, spit it out.” Perhaps not quite as similar, but if something makes sense, if it is logical, if it is reasonable, “spit it out.” That’s dangerous territory.
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