“Sorry, I have a boyfriend,” she says, politely turning down the man she will eventually be having sex with six months from now. Six months later, the “love of my life” Instagram posts have been deleted, the group chat becomes filled with slander, and now you can find her in the club, belting, “it ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none” at the top of her lungs. What a tragedy. Yes, the inverse scenario happens with men, although less often, with the man apologizing for having a girlfriend; however, while I do not blame my lovely ladies for hardly anything, I will blame them for taking that as some sort of challenge. That does, in fact, appear to be something that needs to be worked out. Females’ ears seem to perk up when the opportunity of home-wrecking beckons, all in the name of competition. “I bet I can make him want me more than her.” Then, it happens, and she instantly is no longer interested. Ah, the games we play.
What the hell happened six months prior when one told another that they had a boyfriend or girlfriend? I’ll let you know what happened: They may as well have said, I don’t know, “the sun is as cold as a housefly.” Right, reader, I hear you! That means absolutely nothing and doesn’t make sense at all, but it makes about the same amount of sense as “I have a boyfriend or girlfriend.” All pronouncing having a boyfriend or girlfriend means is that you are currently having sex with someone that you will not be having sex with later. That’s it. It is “playing pretend,” until one day we meet somebody we do not want to pretend with; who, for lack of a better phrase, we want to do it with.. for real.
No, I am not suggesting that we launch ourselves into marriage just as soon as we meet someone we particularly like. By the way, what a strange counter-argument one typically has to marriage! “Oh, we need to sign a piece of paper signifying that we love each other?” Uh, yes. Have you considered that answer, anti-marriage people? You do need to have something concrete that says to one another that you are in it for the long haul, till death do you part. Otherwise, as mentioned, we are playing pretend. What about all the married couples that end up divorced, the anti-marriage person retorts. Fair enough point, person, and you certainly have the statistics to back that up. The people involved in a marriage that winds up in divorce, for the most part, are wrong to let that happen. Of course, there are instances where there is no other alternative. For example, domestic abuse and infidelity, most notably, among other irredeemable wrongs, but any divorce that occurs outside of those parameters is wrong. Marriage means, specifically, that two people will take on this life together, forever, no matter what happens, aside from any unforgivable act. This does not mean that we are allowed to shift the goalposts and render consistent arguing unforgivable. Having a mere boyfriend or girlfriend means that the backdoor is open and not the kind of open backdoor that might present itself on a fortuitous, intoxicated night. Being married heralds the exact opposite, or at least is supposed to.
If any of this sounds bitter or antiquated, I suppose I understand your gripe. It is possible that I have a growing concern that I haven’t found anybody yet at the age of thirty-two and that I view the world differently today than I did at, let’s say, twenty-four. While I am not suggesting immediate marriage, I am also not exactly suggesting that we do away with terms like ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend.’ I get it. We all have to endure the process of weeding out the people that aren’t right for us. I am suggesting a different way to describe our love interests. Listen, we get to fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce or separation by way of thinking that marriage is a stupid idea. Is that not logical? I may be injecting a minor conspiracy theory into this, but they do not want you to have a family. Families are the foundation of improving countries, states, cities, and communities or changing them for the better.
How might we rephrase the boyfriend or girlfriend moniker? What about something like, “Sorry, I have plans to marry somebody right now, although I am not yet, and involving myself with you may squander those plans.” If we are not comfortable saying something to that degree, then what business do we have using up someone else’s time under the guise of “being in a relationship?” Surely, uttering something to that effect has more meaning than, “Actually, I’m having sex with someone, but if you wait a while, maybe we can, too.” Is it not embarrassing to hear someone say, “Oh, God, no!” when asked if they plan to marry the person they are “with?” Okay, okay. Everyone listen to the single man tell us all how to be in a relationship. I get that, too, but a vast portion of the WYSB fanbase is people that I know personally, and seeing the people that I love and care about tie the knot brings me great joy. If I’m not going to be able to do it, y’all better fucking do it. Woe is me. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is fine – have at it, but let’s make it mean something – something that means more than playing pretend. Get married, and close the backdoor. If you get drunk enough together, it will be open anyway. Wait…
This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read. Could not be more pointless.
Sorry about your marriage or relationship not working out, bud!