An Optimistic Rose-Colored Perception

By Paula S. Robin

Every once in a while, I like to go against the expectations that others have of me, or is it for me? Which one of these prepositions will pair better with my glass of champagne this New Year? Which one will bring out the golden flakes in my marbled, green-colored eyes? What is the difference? Did you really just think that out loud? When I think about it, the highest expectations for me are the ones I place on myself, or are they? Great. A triad of decisions, of me, for me, on me. Triad, did I have to type that? Now I am thinking about senior citizens. Why, are you kidding me right now? I always ponder when it comes to concepts. A triad is a concept of three things. What is a triad concept? It connects senior citizens and police officers, or law enforcement, and criminal activities. The triad concept, if I remember right, is about keeping seniors safe in their communities. Don’t quote me on that. Read these blogs with the full understanding that my mind is like a shooting gallery, with moving targets. I do like yellow rubber ducks.

Am I trying to dodge decision-making? My mind doesn’t really shoot scattered shots when fired. I am a focused person. For some reason, I like to write about things that allow my mind to move away from my OCD ways to reasonable thinking. From time to time, I like to go against the expectations I place on myself, the expectations of others, and the expectations for me. It’s all three, it is the triad. There, I said it. This time of year, I keep a close eye on my scheming expectations because they can get the better of me. Easily, I can expect more than what is realistic in just about any given situation. I said I like to go against the expectations. This isn’t actually true. I don’t even know why I wrote it. I am feeling a significant amount of stress tap, tap, tapping on this keyboard. Are our expectations skewed? Maybe my perspective about my expectation is skewed. Is that a realistic thought to have and to ponder? I don’t dodge decision-making. People who do that annoy me. There, I said it. What do you want to eat? I don’t care. No, not that, anything else. You know who you are.

It’s important to just breathe before deciding if your expectations stack up against reality. Reality, is it just a bully? When we expect more, can we appreciate what we have? Now that is reality, and I feel trapped. Is reality a trap? Is reality a bully trying to trap me? My expectations get the better of me when I expect more than what I am and of what is realistic. Who is the bully now, expectations? Pardon me, you need to manage those expectations. Managing your expectations – this will certainly not be predictable or boring. How can I get us out of this expectation and reality trap safely? By us, I mean me and my triad. Different people have different belief systems. I feel as if that last sentence was a better diversion than talking about the obvious elephant in the room. You may be overestimating how happy you would be once you have what you think you want. You think I am being overdramatic; I think you underestimate me. Disappointed? Disappointment will not leave me with a black eye or holding the bag, or my beer, this year. For those who don’t drink, hold my milk. 

Stability is good, but it too can be predictable and boring. When I feel stable, my brain starts thumping around, trying to do a stimulation dance in my head. My knees start shaking. I believe that both expectations and reality demand us to be stable. Forget worrying about any other relationship. The relationship I have with myself has become stable, predictable, and boring. Don’t try to hard-wire me into a state of boredom and predictability for simple stability, please. My expectations and reality need excitement and stimulation. I love new places and adventures and people. I cherish the old, senior citizens being safe at home, and law enforcement, too. Don’t you try and make me feel flawed because I crave more passion and intensity. I want mesmerizing sunsets and captivating sunrises. Welcome to my reality. It is not a new reality. It was forced away. I’m bringing it back. It’s sexy, isn’t it? I feel excited. Where did I put my spontaneity? it’s around here somewhere. Let me think, I lost sight of what’s important to me, oh here it is, beside reading glasses. The idiom of seeing “through rose-colored glasses” is skewed in a negative way.

I like to think that I am complex and unique. Before my predictable readers get upset with me, let me add something to my blog. Most of us are not complex or different. Do not close that laptop. Predictability is a proven path to success. You are probably more predictable than you’d like to think, I know I am. Most of our adult personality comes from behaviors and habits from our childhood. If we like to gamble, to the degree of not being healthy, it is probably from a lack of self-control as a child. In life, it is all about decisions. I don’t like being fat, I don’t like working out either. Well, I have self-control. My readers, it’s New Year’s, I have to mention weight. You should have predicted this. Self-control doesn’t ease the pain of going to the gym, but it does keep me from being unhealthy. I do have to choose. For those of you who just don’t decide, or let others make all the decisions for you, that is a choice. It is a choice to not be responsible for yourself. I have done this before. As a child, I was taught to practice self-control. It was not a choice for me not to use self-control. Those who know my mother, you know. You know. 

My mother. I feel it’s time you get to know who she was. I feel it’s time I introduce you. Rosa of course was her name. She did not wear rose-colored glasses. She meant what she said. I would have never said to her to give me personal space, as a child or adult. She believed she carried me from her space and placed me into this world. I better smile about it. She didn’t force me to live her life. She did have some unrealistic expectations of me and for me. I am thankful for that and for her. She had strong beliefs. If she was mopping, don’t walk on her floors, even if you are bleeding, especially if you are bleeding, she just mopped that floor. It was simple. Don’t miss work. You can be sick at home; you can be sick at work. If you stay at home sick, you are going to mop that floor you bled on. She spanked us. She loved us, she cooked for us, she cleaned and fed us. Some of us, she did too much for and for far too long. You’d know if it was you if you abused her love. She had six children. I was born at home, while four of the children slept in the other room, she delivered me alone, by herself, she cut the umbilical cord. She was a beast. Most incredible woman I ever knew. If you read my other blogs, you know my dad.

Here is to 2020-too, to me and to you. Rest In Peace Betty White, and all who have gone before and after her. What an iconic legend and comedian. I like to think I am funny. What timing and delivery Betty White had! Regardless of if you liked her or not, and if you didn’t, I am speechless. You don’t have to like her. She was rich and famous and didn’t care. We put so much energy into our own opinions. Don’t be so predictable, it’s boring. People who insist we agree with them, don’t you have a life to live abundantly? Let it go. Watch Frozen. Control that anger before it isolates you and all your loved ones. Stop worrying about who the main character likes. She has ice coming out of her veins. I have dated people that have ice coming out of their veins. Worrying about anyone’s business, controlling others with the cold shoulder, it’s all so last year. For those wondering what my mother would say about this topic, she would agree. She shut out some cold-hearted people in her life. Some she let hang around to see if they would thaw out a little. My mom used to have a temper that would melt a boulder. She changed that temper, one New Year’s Day.

Boredom of Predictability – don’t walk on my clean floors.