By Paula S. Robin
The most peculiar things grab my attention and trigger my thoughts these days. I was taking a stroll when I spotted an exposed brick wall. My brain started shooting out thoughts faster than I could capture, collect or dodge them. Who would cover such an exquisite, labor intense, skilled work of art, with cheap dry wall? Wait another thought is passing through. Is exposing a brick wall similar to exposing a person?
Why is this making me think about resolutions? Exposed brick walls seem to have character, value and dignity. They have almost a gravitas personality, wouldn’t you agree? People and brick walls both have pros and cons to being exposed. Am I right? Does making resolutions make you feel exposed? Where’s my pants?
It wasn’t a wonder she didn’t control her anger. Her rage helped her feel in control. Looking at her life from the outside, it seemed simple. Listening to her tell her story, it sounded like a fairy tale. Knowing her story, it was complicated and needed some explaining. She was complicated, she did a lot of explaining in her life, about her life. There she stood exposed, but not like the vintage brick that designers love to discover under drywall. A kinder, gentler response to her exposure, would have been welcomed. Is it time to talk about resolutions? If we are being honest, most of us have our vulnerabilities hidden behind our own fake wall. Most people construct a facade to protect themselves from being judged or hurt by other people, and she was no exception.
Insecurities are a driving force behind why we found it necessary to live behind a false front, rather than presenting our true self, to anyone or anything.
It will be New Year’s Eve and her “friends” will all gather around her, ready to explore, discover and probe into her destructive behaviors. Will she be ready? Are her fake fronts simply projections of the person she dreamt of being? Exposing people for who they are, to know their past, their history, their weakness and their strengths, is not like exposing brick at all. We devalue the vulnerable. Weak people to the back! Tell people your darkest secrets and see if they still treasure you the same. Few will. Did you know a single antique brick usually costs between $7 and $10? They’re much more expensive than regularly used bricks because they have certain qualities that make them more rare.
When we discover brick in a building or bedroom, it brings a sense of stability, character, and warmth to that area. However, expose me unexpectedly and you’ll catch the cold indifference in me.
We are taught from birth to cover up our flaws. Show your partner, lover, extra other, your cracks and weak spots, your age, your obstacles and your challenges, and just watch them try and cover you up, expose you or get rid of you, and fast. A flaw in a wall is considered a discovered treasure. A flaw in a person is an unfortunate issue, for life and for therapy.
Suddenly, I’m brought back to reality. My legs start cruising on their own. While admiring the exposed brick wall, a giant spider crawled out of a crack. The truth right before my eyes. Exposed brick is freezing in the winter and collects unbelievable, amazing amounts of dust, and it’s a haven for insects. I don’t do spiders. I think I’ll grab a couple of bagels and go crawling back to my extra other. Who is Paula S. Robin’s extra other? Wouldn’t you and the world like to know? I think I’ve been asked this question since I was like three, maybe five. That little extra someone certainly always gets some attention, don’t they? Like the “S” does in my name, Paula S. Robin. How easy do we forget about the subject matter when a sexy little mystery pops up on the page? We are talking about resolutions my peeps, please concentrate.
We aren’t Cinderella but that clock is going to strike midnight. Resolution-setting is a way to articulate values, and going through a process to confirm and publicly share them is an expectation we placed on ourselves and everyone around us. An expectation and a ritual older than any old exposed brick wall. Making resolutions is what my brain wants – it demands it. It’s why it pointed out and targeted that wall to begin with. I’m strolling when I should be running towards a better me. New Year’s Eve is a holiday of favorite tradition, of countdowns, fireworks, champagne and resolutions. Before you push away resolutions remember this: most other animals and creatures react based on instinct; most people take action based on planning.
It seems for quite some time that some people are not acting human. That’s a different blog, Josh. Who’s Josh? He is the creator of this blog, the very one I am scribbling on today. Oh wait, what was I writing about again? Oh yes, it’s another brain thing, really it is. Evolution is all about executive functioning. You know, a cluster of cognitive abilities that evolved to enable us to set and achieve goals. I’m serious, our brain function is what sets us apart from all other living things. Basically, New Year’s Eve is a perfect time, a new advent if you will, an opportunity to expose some of our oldest cracks and crannies. What’s the difference between cracks and crannies? You don’t know? Oh my! Don’t tell me you are “one of those” people. You confuse cracks and crannies with nooks and crannies. You probably think I’m lolly-gagging right now. Well, I am not. I’m clearly dilly-dallying.
Crack or cranny, it’s what’s for dinner. Chew on this a while: the difference is that crack is to tell (a joke), while cranny is to haunt or enter by crannies. As verbs, the difference between crack and cranny is that crack is (senseid) to form cracks while cranny is to break into, or become full of, crannies. As nouns, the difference between crack and cranny is that crack is (senseid) a thin and usually jagged space opened in a previously solid material, while cranny is a small, narrow opening, fissure, crevice, or chink, as in a wall, or other substance.
As adjectives, the difference between crack and cranny is that crack is highly trained and competent, while cranny is quick; giddy; thoughtless.
Clearly, I am dilly-dallying, or was I lolly-gagging again? I tend to do that when I need to look at changes I need to make, or that others wish I would adjust to and learn from. Lolly-gagging means screwing around or goofing off. I’m certainly not doing that. Dilly-dallying is wasting time through aimless wandering or indecision. I must be doing that because I can’t decide what resolution to make. One more thing, who is the her mentioned in this blog? Tune in next time and I might just tell you.
Happy New Year.
I’m OBSESSED with this blog !!! Truly, I am. Now, please hurry and tell us who “her” is.
Who is her? Who is the extra other? What does the S stand for? And what became of the resolutions?? I’m at the edge of my seat in suspense of these questions being answered.
Hang on to the edge of your seat, a new blog is in the making. Thank you. Loved the reaction.