Dirty Little Daisy Doubter

By Paula S. Robin

He (or she) loves me, or he loves me not, there is always that doubt, isn’t there? Once doubt is established, it spreads rapidly from our brain to our heart, cutting down any logic or reason in its way. Not just any ordinary flower could possibly attempt to handle such a conflict between the thinker and the thumper. Ironically, the Ox-eyed daisy was chosen to mediate and satisfy this deep-seated curiosity about the doubt of love. I say ironically because, like love, the Ox-eye daisy is an aggressive, invasive species. Each Ox-Eyed daisy produces up to 200 seeds that remain viable in the soil for several years. Isn’t that just like doubt? Years can pass, lovers will come and go like the seasons, and doubt will unavoidably spring up, just like the daisy. What is the origin of the “he loves me, he loves me not” flower? The Ox-eye daisy is native to Europe, and to Turkey and Georgia in Western Asia. Where does the word doubt come from? It’s a Latin word. The Latin root of doubt is dubitāre, “to hesitate, waver,” and when you doubt something you’re wavering: I think I believe you, but maybe I don’t. Just ask Wikipedia. I did. Wikipedia is the free site that now asks for a donation of $2.75. Nothing worth fighting for is free, is it? Love, where does it come from, the brain or the heart? It does not come from the heart. Love comes from the Limbic System, which is located in the brain. How is this possible? Love flows from the same place that logic, reason, and impulse control flow out of. Leave it to the French to pluck some petals while singing, “(S)he loves me (s)he loves me not.” I understand that flowers have symbolic ties to human affections, but do not understand anyone placing their love decision, their fate, on the final petal plucked from a weed.   
 
What’s love got to do with it? You little Tina Turner fans ought to know. Wait, maybe I’m thinking of Alanis Morissette. You fans oughta know for sure. I read that daisies represent innocence, youth, and vitality, appropriate to the carefree folly of early love the heart invokes. “He loves me, he loves me not or she loves me, she loves me not (by the way, is originally effeuiller la marguerite in French). It’s a game of French origin. The French have a reputation for being fantastic at the love game. Excuse me while I make a generalization. The French don’t date. Americans complicated the entire dating tug-of-war. We brought this shit to a whole new level. It’s anyone’s game now. Could this little Ox-eyed daisy game the Victorian maids played be the root of why everyone loves to blame the French? Are we to blame? I am French, so it’s an appropriate question to ask. Rene Descartes did create Cartesianism, a system applying methodical doubt. Surely you have heard of Cartesianism, the philosophical and scientific traditions derived from Descartes. Rene rejected the idea that human beings are essentially miserable and devious. He held that it is impertinent to pray to God to change things. Instead, when we cannot change the world, we must change ourselves. I wonder if JFK was a fan of Descartes? Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country? He does believe the human mind is our fundamental resource. I think, therefore I am. This Ox-eyed daisy has put me on a path to find the truth about love and why we doubt it. Descartes defines love like this: “Love is an emotion of the soul caused by a movement of the spirits, which impels the soul to join itself willingly [de volonté] to objects that appear to be agreeable to it.” Rene believed that when we think of something as beneficial for us, we move towards it. 
 
Is doubt a bad thing? Doesn’t it bring us to a place of discernment and an opportunity for meditation? Is it normal to wonder if someone loves you or not? Is it your subconscious sending up signals or red flags? It can be really disconcerting to have such emotional distress over love. Doubt and the Ox-eyed daisy both are shameless weeds that need to be plucked out immediately. Both are unpleasant and stink. They have shallow creepy little roots that take over everything. Sometimes, our doubts are the subconscious brain’s way of telling us that the person we are in a relationship with, are a bad mix. Is doubt in a relationship useful or toxic? When someone genuinely loves you, they don’t just say “I love you,” they consistently show you care and compassion through their actions. The power of the flower. Is it a random game of chance? Each flower has 20 or 30 petals. Couldn’t you sway that game to your advantage or wanted outcome? What’s driving Miss Daisy? I am. I am the chauffeur and the passenger taking this ride. The one behind the wheel, steering and crashing right into my self-doubt. Everyone grapples with self-doubt sometimes. A little self-doubt is, not only normal, it’s healthy. Why do we derail ourselves and question others’ character? Come out, come out wherever you are, self-doubt and self-hater. I am going to confront you. It’s time to turn this limo around. No more flight, or freeze, or fawn responses for me. Only fight. He loves me, he loves me not. Doesn’t matter if I don’t love myself first. Finally, I am on the right road to self-awareness. Good. Because self-awareness is a powerful tool to have in my arsenal, and in my trunk. I’ll pull it out when needed. Don’t tempt me. Seeking others’ input and advice is helpful, but Daisy my friend, you have to buckle your fragile little self in for this ride. The trait that will be driving me will be trust. Trusting my gut and values is the key to my happiness and success. This is the season for nesting. I’m walking into these holidays like a free bird, with free will. Loneliness is only a place to start. Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night. Next stop: Mistletoe Boulevard.  

Dirty Little Daisy Doubter.