The phrase goes that “behind every great man, there’s a great woman.” There seems to be substantial evidence this is the case. It’s not often you see someone generally revered as a ‘great man’ with a slore by his side, even if she was one at a previous time. Circumstances change, and I’m not about to fault a woman for using her super-power to try and distinguish between who is great and who isn’t. The King has a Queen, the Prince has a Princess, and the President has the First Lady. You can log on to social media and call Melania a ‘stupid slut’ just because you hate Trump, but that won’t make her not the First Lady. That’s typically how it works, though, isn’t it? Women tend to have hatred and resentment towards other women who they feel just ‘got lucky.’ Men tend to have hatred and resentment toward the other guy who is actually piping the girl they wish they were. I can attest to that. Back when I was 20, my World came crashing down when I found out that I’d be sharing that first vagina I ever got. Hatred and resentment no doubt crept in. Since I mentioned Trump, I must say that I also thought everything and everyone was racist when I was 20. I’m not really saying, but I’m just saying.
I, among many others, look at my grandfather as a great man. You’d be hard-pressed to find a member of my family that would disagree. In many ways, he represents the ‘King’ of the family. What is it that constitutes someone being King? A multitude of reasons, probably, but I think it mostly boils down to two things: 1) Consistently making the right decisions over a significant time span, and 2) If you say you are going to do something, you do it. If anything, you do those two things for a long period, and you’re on your way. He may not tell you he did that, but humility is a character trait of any great person. From my vantage point, he did do those things. How does one know when they’ve reached this ‘King’ status? I’m guessing you won’t know exactly when it happens, but I tend to think of it as ‘leveling up’ without a video game telling you that you’ve done so. Your ‘blue check mark’ just comes without you noticing.
Grandpa verified himself over time. With all that, it’s still difficult to imagine a world where he wasn’t with Grandma. Would I look at things differently if he were with an imbecile for a wife or if he were with nobody at all? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s not like there is a shortage of options for a King. You mean to tell me, with all those options at a King’s disposal, that he could not find a single woman to be his Queen? Those are impossibly high standards – even for a King. Are you telling me that no woman in the World would sacrifice almost everything just to be labeled Queen? Well, that can’t be true. Women have sacrificed nothing to be with losers. I’ve had about four relationships in my life, so I have seen that with my own eyes. Here’s the part you’ll love, Ladies: As far as I can tell, a King without a Queen is hardly a King at all.
Here’s the part you won’t like: The King elevates a woman to her highest level, which is Queen. It doesn’t work the other way around. All it takes for a passed-out girl behind the dumpster to become Queen is to have one good moment that makes an impression on the King and Voila. She’s Queen. It’s obviously a stretch that scenario ever comes to fruition, but it’s the truth, nonetheless. This is not to say there are no women out there that don’t possess Queen-like qualities before they meet their eventual King. If you reverse the King and Passed-Out-Dumpster-Girl scenario, it’s no fairy-tale. When a could-be Queen is fooled by a weak man, the relationship always and inevitably crumbles upon itself. Trust me. I was blessed with a little bit of charisma, so I’ve been able to fool Queens into thinking I was a somebody, even though I was really just passed-out-behind-the-dumpster guy. Unfortunately, I couldn’t fool them for very long. They weeded me out rather quickly. STILL GOT DA YAMZ, THO, RITE FELLAS!? I’m joking, but I’m serious. It was easy for me to trick myself into thinking I was a somebody because I had, indeed, just ‘slew the Queen.’ However, as mentioned, the relationship eventually crumbled. Women are patient. The relationships did not end because I wasn’t immediately ‘King,’ but rather that I showed zero capacity to ever be one. In the end, I felt validated but was not verified. Queens, not even potential Queen, elevate a man to his highest level.
500 Days of Summer illustrates this almost perfectly. We all like and identify with Tom because, man or woman, we have been through the struggles Tom went through. Tom is a good guy, but throughout most of the movie, he’s not a great guy. He has a passion that he isn’t really pursuing; he hates his job even before Summer gets there, he refuses to accept reality, and I must say that his view of the World is pretty naïve. Nobody who watches this movie for the first time likes Summer, but not for any good reason. Summer is honest, and she knows what she wants. At the very least, she knows what she doesn’t want, and she doesn’t want Tom. Not for the long haul, anyway. She makes this clear to Tom on several occasions, even to the point of calling herself a slooter in college. “They called me anal girl,” she says. Yeah, it’s a joke, but there is a hint of truth in every joke. Summer, like everyone else, isn’t perfect. There’s a reasonable assumption to be made that she was seeing the guy she eventually married while she was seeing Tom, but it was still clear that she didn’t want anything long-term.. with Tom. Again, I’m not about to fault a woman for using her super-power to find out who’s great and who isn’t. It’s easy to dislike Summer when she snaps at Tom for standing up for her in the bar, but even then, she recognizes her lack of gratitude and reconciles that situation straight away. When Tom ‘gets a job,’ if you will, he dances throughout the city. Why wouldn’t he? He slayed the Queen! He’s now verified! Wrong. All the aforementioned things preventing Tom from being great still exist, despite obtaining a little happiness by way of Summer giving him something where the sun doesn’t shine. The story of Summer and Tom is not a love story (we were presented with this knowledge up front) because Tom was not yet King of his own Being. Instead of going to the movies with Tom, she snubs him, goes to the deli, and meets someone who was. Good for her. One of my favorite scenes of all time is when Tom is standing in front of the chalkboard, staring at an absolute masterpiece. This is Tom announcing to the World that he is going to become King of his own Being; this is Tom announcing that he is going to make the right decisions consistently and that he’s going to do the things he says he’s going to do. If Tom had made such announcements before he met Summer, it would have been a completely different movie, but that’s life. Had he not made these announcements before the final scene, he’d be a complete fool to expect a different outcome just because ‘the seasons changed.’ Tom was searching for validation with Summer, but even beginning the mere process of verification garnered him an Autumn. I suppose the moral of the story is to consistently do the right thing, follow through on your commitments and promises, and a Minka Kelly will find her way to you. QUEEN, by the way.
Well, all that’s great, Josh, but what about you? I can’t say that anybody that we look at as “Kings” would ever call themselves such, but this is just an analogy after all. Becoming the Ruler or King of your own Kingdom is an idea I can get behind and strive toward. God is higher than a King, by the way, so everybody I’m in ‘the program’ with just calm down. My higher power will always reign supreme. Have I been doing the next right thing consistently lately? Have I been following through on my promises? Have I been doing what I said I would do? I’d like to think so. If I have been, does that mean I’m ready for the Queen’s arrival? What’s the date today? The 24th? I got to go. Autumn just got here….